My relationship with my parents....
Well (such a deep subject, I know!), I have never really sat down and thought about the kind of relationship I have with them. It's been a difficult thing for me to figure out exactly. I have a very different relationship with them both. I rely on my mom with anything I have to vent about, usually she can give me insight in a gentle way. Insight that usually, if my dad were to give would automatically offend me. I feel like I speak for most people with I say that my relationship with my parents is never failing but half the time it's like oil and water. We have very different views on things, but then again we have very similar views as well. One of many problems I face with my folks is that with them being parents they tend to stick their noses a little too deeply into our affairs. I understand they are just being parents and I'll probably be the very same way with my kids. It can be pretty frustrating when I make a decision and instead of supporting us, they rebuke it.
However, with that being said my love for them is unrelenting. And I know they love me the same. My father has been the strong one, the one who's pushed me to my limits, and the one who taught me that there are consequences to every action (good or bad). He kept me strong when I thought I had nothing left to be strong for. But he's also hurt me and I wish I could completely forgive him but part of me still hangs on to it. It is frustrating to say the least!!
My mom is a very special lady, one who taught me to forgive, to be positive, and to turn the other cheek. But she too has hurt me and I sometimes wonder if it's even worth trying to heal. We had a very difficult time almost a year ago to the day and I feel like I lost who my mom was. Maybe I just didn't see who she really was, but this event was definitely an eye opening experience and I feel like a huge part of her vanished that day. It's taken so much time to figure out who this person she is now, she's still my mom. Still amazing, unique and beautiful but I guess to put it plainly I feel like she's lost her faith.
My relationship with my parents was not perfect but it was what I had always known. They want to give me (my family) the world, but sometimes I don't want the world I just want them. They were happy, I was happy, we were a strong family unit. Now our world has been shaken and I'm not sure where we (as a family) will end up. I love my parents and my relationship with them then was far from perfect and it is still far from perfect but I have faith and I will try to have enough faith for both of them. I love them so much that my heart aches to see them hurt, angry, or disappointed. All I ask for is that my relationship with them grows and maybe I'll be able to help them renew their faith with God.
So if I haven't totally confused you about my relationship with my parents, if you should get anything out of this post it is that we are still fighting to stay a family and we are realizing that we are still a family. We may not be perfect but we are trying...
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| 2008 |
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